


A Rat With Lecherous Taste

by chocolafied, LunaTheLoneWolf



Series: Crack Creed [15]
Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Duccio is a rat, Gen, Inspired by Real Events, Parody, sort of, this is going to be fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-17 07:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2301383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolafied/pseuds/chocolafied, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaTheLoneWolf/pseuds/LunaTheLoneWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times Duccio has chased after a skirt... And the four times he failed at getting them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Rat With Lecherous Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our Duccio has come after our female friend a lot. It's very amusing to watch him fail.

**Characters in this story:**

* * *

                Caterina and Claudia rolled their eyes while looking down the street. Rosa groaned while putting her hands on her hips. Paola crossed her arms and looked in the opposite direction as the man approached. And with the calm gush of the fountain nearby them and the pleasant sunlight on their skin, there was only one man who could screw it up, make everything burn and rot, and turn everything on its head.

                It was Duccio. Again. For the fourth time in two weeks.

                He really didn’t know when to give up, did he?

                “Ladies!” the stupid man called out and waved to them. The quartet pretended to not notice him. Their insistent chatting over makeup and other such things got louder. Caterina laughed as Rosa confessed something childish, “I don’t like leaving without my panda backpack.” The thief jabbed her thumb towards the plush bear that held all of her “earnings” and was a bit conspicuous for the time period.

                Claudia looked over her shoulder and the rat was there, smiling sweetly with his rotten teeth and foul breath that smelled like the marshes in Forli. His hair was unkempt, clothes wrinkled and worn for what looked like over a day.

                “Hello, Claudia,” the bum greeted.

                “Oh,” the Auditore girl eyed the man from head to toe and resisted the involuntary shiver that threatened to shake her. “Hi…Duccio.”

                The three other girls looked up and wanted to look away as soon as they saw the flies floating above his head.

                A glint of sunlight fragmented off of a pair of binocular lenses and Ezio sighed as she lowered them. The brunette shook her head before looking up at her partner in crime. “He’s at it again.”

                Yusuf looked up from the bomb she was lightly tossing in her hand and widened her eyes before quickly walking over to where the mentor was squatting and lowered herself to the same level. Ezio handed her the binoculars without looking away and pointed towards their four friends (and the homeless bum). “Over there.”

                The younger of the two pulled the binoculars away with a confused look. “He gets points for effort and tenacity, but since I hate his guts, he’s in the negative range.” She handed the binoculars back to a smirking Ezio and straightened up. Yusuf’s back cracked slightly as she rested her hands on her hips and leaned back with a groan. “So,” the bomb tech paused and looked at the older of the two as she jumped up at the edge of the roof. “Whose turn is it this time?”

                The brunette turned and smirked while nodding her head to the public square below.  “You remember the _last_ time I dealt with him, right?”

                It took Yusuf a second, but the devilish look in Ezio’s eyes made her remember. And then she grinned impishly from ear to ear.

* * *

 

                _“Ladies, can I buy you a drink? Or maybe lunch?” The neighborhood pest was back and he was trying to get them to take interest in him; them meaning Paola, Caterina, and Claudia._

_“No, thank you Duccio.” Claudia sighed and feigned a small and pleasant smile._

_“We should probably get going now.” The short haired brunette spoke up as she linked arms with the Auditore girl and began pulling her away. Her other arm locked with Paola’s and she tried pulling her with them in hurried steps._

_“Wait!” Duccio ran in front of them and put his hands up to stop their getaway. “I only just got here!”_

_The trio couldn’t fight the urge to roll their eyes and sigh at his grotesque face and the hopeful look he had on there._

_A blade suddenly touched Duccio’s throat as he was yanked back into a headlock. The owner glowered down at him with gritted teeth and a shit eating grin that sent most people running. “Hello,_ Duccio.” _Ezio hissed venomously at the stalker. The bum swallowed and began to have sweat forming at his temples and coating the palms of his hands._

_“E-Ezio. What a pleasant surprise. I—”_

_“You were on your way back home to whatever rock you live under,_ right? _” She shoved the blade more against his neck, threatening to draw blood. The man only nodded urgently while whimpering slightly._ _The mentor let him go and he fell onto the ground on his knees, a hand around his neck while gasping for air._

_Duccio looked up at the girls. They were all intently fixated on the assassin behind him with fear-stricken faces. And much to his stupidity, he turned around slowly. Ezio Auditore was no longer standing behind him._

_It was a_ monster _._

_So he screamed like a little girl as he ran all the way home~._

**_The End._ **

* * *

 

                “Yeah, I do.” Yusuf looked over the edge of the rooftop with a mischievous smirk on her face. “I think it’s my turn to handle him, huh?”

                Ezio nodded and crossed her arms smugly. The smirk on her face widened as she caught sight of one of the bombs on the younger assassin’s tool belt and nodded towards it. “Normally I discourage your use of your ‘toys’,” she moved her hands to form air quotes with an amused sigh. “But I’ll make an exception this one time.”

                She didn’t know what the brunette was talking about at first, until she looked down at the ink bomb holstered at her hip. Yusuf yanked it from its holder and tossed it lightly in her hand before looking back at the group. “You know,” she started. Her smirk turned into a crooked grin as she looked up at her accomplice. “I still haven’t tried it out yet…~”

                “Go crazy. But remember no civilian casualties!” Ezio _had_ to throw in the usual chiding.

                Way for her to use the stick up her ass.

                Yusuf rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. “Yeah, yeah. Now kick back and relax,” She tied on her headband with a tight knot at the back of her head before aligning herself with the bale of hay below. “and watch a _master_ at work.”

                Ezio watched as she dived off of the building and waited a few seconds before situating herself in a comfortable position by the edge of the roof. She watched expectantly as Yusuf threw the bomb that erupted in a giant ink splat. Sure, she hit her target and sent him crying home, but she also had to account for the four angry women who were also _colored_ pink.

                And the brunette watched smugly as she kicked her legs back and forth while they beat Yusuf with whatever they were holding. And also covering her with her own bright pink ink.

                “I REGRET NOTHING!” Yusuf cried triumphantly.

                Caterina hit the younger assassin with her shoe. “YOU’RE ABOUT TO REGRET YOUR MOTHER EVER GIVING BIRTH TO YOU!”

                Ezio blinked a few times before eyeing one side and rolling her eyes while enjoying the show.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ezio: You still got a little paint on your forehead...
> 
> Yusuf: Oh, thanks. -cleans face once more-
> 
> Ezio: Feedback is awesome, flames will be used to light all of Yusuf's bombs... in your house.


End file.
